slow it all down, the damage is done.

1. First thing you wash in the shower?

My hair.

2. What color is your favorite hoodie?
Red.

3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
Yes.

4.Do you plan outfits?
Every day. It's a habit I can't quit.

5. How are you feeling RIGHT now?
Sleepy but content.

6. Whats the closest thing to you thats red?
My nails are red.

7. Do you say aim or a-i-m?
aim.

8. Tell me about the last dream you remember having?
Something related to school.

9. Did you meet anybody new today?
Nope.

10. What are you craving right now?
Chocolate.

11. Do you floss?
Probably not as much as I should.

12. What comes to mind when I say cabbage?
Chou chou.

13. When was the last time you talked on aim?
A very long time ago.

14. Are you emotional?
Very.

15. Would you dance to the taco song?
Taco song?

16. Have you ever counted to 1,000?
Can't say I have.

17. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it?
Lick. Biting into my ice cream kills my teeth.

18. Do you like your hair?
Not currently.

19. Do you like yourself?
I guess.

20. Have you ever met a celebrity?
Many.

21. Do you like cottage cheese?
Ew. Does that answer the question?

22. What are you listening to right now?
Nothing at the moment.

23. How many countries have you visited?
One.

24. Are your parents strict?
When they need to be.

25. Would you go sky diving?
No, I hate heights.

26. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush?
Um. No?

27. Would you throw potatoes at him?
No.

28. Is there anything sparkly in the room you’re in?
A masquerade mask from Halloween.

29. Have you ever been in a castle?
Nope.

30. Do you rent movies often?
Only for movie nights from Redbox.

31. Who sits in behind you in your math class?
I'm not in a math class right now.

32. Have you made a prank phone call?
Not personally.

33. Do you own a gun?
That I do not.

34. Can you count backwards from 74?
I could if I tried.

35. Who are you going to be with tonight?
Megan and Kelsey.

36. Brown or white eggs?
Does it matter?

37. Do you own something from Hot Topic?
Nope.

38. Ever been on a train?
Yes.

39. Ever been in love?
No.

40. Do you have a cell-phone?
Yes.

41. Are you too forgiving?
Usually.

42. Do you use chap stick?
Yes.

43. What is your best friend doing tomorrow?
I have no idea.

44. Can you use chop sticks?
I try.

45. Ever have cream puffs?
Yes.

46. Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect?
Very confusing movie.

47. What was the last question you asked?
I can't recall that one.

48. What was the last CD you bought?
LIGHT's Acoustic - EP.

49. Boys or girls?
Boys?

50. What is your bus number for school?
I'm in college...

51. Is your hair curly?
It's wavy, but not curly.

52. Last time you cried?
I haven't cried in a while.

53. Ever walked into a wall?
Yep, in front of a LOT of people onstage...not one of my best moments.

54. Do looks matter?
They shouldn't.

55. Have you ever bought anything from Pac Sun?
Nope.

56. Have you ever slapped someone?
Almost.

57. Favorite time of the year?
Fall.

58. Favorite color?
Turquoise or purple.

59. Are you sarcastic?
A lot of the time, yes.

60. Do you have any tattoos?
No, but I want one.

61. The last person you held hands with?
Jason.

62. Do you sleep with the TV on?
It's more like I fall asleep every time I watch TV.

63. Where was your default picture taken at?
At Duke Gardens.

64. Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people?
I don't hate anyone.

65. Do you like your life right now?
I'd say it's pretty good right now.

66. How often do you talk on the phone?
A lot more than I used to now that I'm in college.

67. What is your favorite animal?
Loris.

68. What was the most recent thing you bought?
Christmas gifts for people.

69. Do you have good vision?
20, 21 vision.

70. Can you hula hoop?
Sorta.

71. Could you ever forgive a cheater?
Yes. Would I go back to them? No.

72. Do you have a job?
About that...

73. Can you handle the truth?
Yes, but it's not always easy.

74. What are you wearing?
A T-shirt and sweats.

75. Have you ever crawled through a window?
Sure have.

have yourself a merry little christmas.

Today, I have done absolutely nothing productive. As a matter of fact, I haven't even gotten out of my bed (except to go down to the kitchen for some food). I know I should feel guilty about this, but I don't. I got up, watched a documentary with Michael Cera, ate some lunch, and have just been browsing on Facebook while listening to Christmas music. Sometimes it's nice to be lazy and do nothing.

confession number eighteen.

:)

bad day.

I feel like a broken record every time I apologize for not keeping up with this blog. But seriously, my life has just gotten so much busier (not to mention chaotic) with papers, exams, and final projects. It's a little insane. I have lost my head a few times, but I can always count on certain people to help me through it.

Speaking of chaos, I experienced the worst day of my life yesterday. And I'm not being melodramatic. It was legitimately awful. See, VCU had class registration yesterday and well, the Financial Aid Services here have no idea what they're doing. I've been trying to deal with loans and my tuition crap for literally two months, and it all caught up with me yesterday. I had a hold on my account which was preventing me from registering for classes, so I knew I had to march over to the Student Services office first thing in the morning to get rid of that hold once and for all. I set my alarm for 6:30 a.m., and woke up to torrential rain pouring in through my window, which I happened to leave open while I was sleeping. That in itself made for a very unpleasant awakening. I got up and proceeded to get ready for the long and stressful day ahead of me. At 7:30, I trudged 15 minutes in the pouring rain down to the Student Services office, only to be told that my hold would not be raised for another ten days. TEN DAYS. Furious, I walked all the way to the other side of campus to the Student Health Center to deal with a meningitis vaccination hold on my account. That was a fairly painless process, however, after signing a waiver to get me out of it (considering I HATE needles or any sharp object), I saw a commercial about a young girl who died of meningitis, and immediately regretted my decision. On my way back to my apartment, the rain began to fall even harder, this time with strong wind. As I was crossing the street, I came upon a a giant puddle, which appeared to be fairly shallow. FALSE. It was too wide to go around, so I had no other choice but to walk through it. I took one step and immediately my feet sank into the water, drenching my entire foot and ankle. I could just feel the people in the cars at the stoplight staring at me, either out of pity or sheer amusement. As if that wasn't embarrassing enough, as soon as I crossed through the puddle, a huge gust of wind started up, inverting my umbrella. In all my fury, I grabbed it in attempts to fix it, only to slice my finger open on the metal. Finally, I got back to my apartment, sneakers squeaking as I walked, crawled in bed, and just broke down. Later during the day, I was walking to my bedroom to get something when I got a splinter in my foot from the hardwood floors. THEN, to top it alllll off, I was walking through a park and stepped in a HUGE pile of dog poo. Yup, poo.

Anyways, I cannot wait until Christmas Break. It could not come soon enough.

true story.

hello hurricane, you can't silence my love.

i'm not ready to say goodbye to those golden rays of sunshine.

these cycles won't slow down.

This is about the tenth time that I've attempted to write this blog entry. I'll start typing, then get so frustrated with what I'm writing that, eventually, I just give up. These past two weeks have been some of the hardest weeks I've had in a long time. If not ever. I'm still trying to adjust to college life (yes, even three months into the semester), and it's been really difficult not really knowing where to turn to look for help. But this Tuesday, I decided, even in my hectic schedule, that I wanted to go to my small group. At the end of the night, we went around the room for prayer requests. When it got to my turn and not realizing just how much I had balled up inside, I suddenly let everything out, confessing that I wasn't relying on God enough with my life. I know I tell myself this all the time, but when you're so caught up in all your stress and anxiety, it's sometimes hard to realize that you don't have to handle it alone. And in all honesty, you can't handle it alone. Eventually, all your suffering will just weigh you down until you're left paralyzed. This is still something I need to work on, but I'm trying my hardest.

but, oh, you know there's still a long way to go.

Sometimes a good nap and good cry are the best medicine.

fall (in love).

weary.

"The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak."

- Isaiah 40:28-29

one day i will learn to get over you.

confused.

Oh, and one more thing (since it has been weighing so heavily on my mind lately), why is it so hard just to tell someone exactly how you feel about them? This is one of the hardest things for me to do and I have no idea why.

That is all.

i'm painting it homesick because all that i love is behind me.

So, it's been way too long since I've last updated this. But seeing as my mind is reeling at the moment and there's no way I'm getting to sleep any time soon (as much as I want to), I thought I'd give it a go. It's odd just how therapeutic blogging can be. I doubt anybody even looks at this anymore (or if they did in the first place), but it's nice to just get out everything that's been on my mind. Just for myself.

For starters, I pretty much hate school. I'm losing all inspiration and drive for art. I know that's what I want to do with my life but I'm having a much harder time than I anticipated. Apparently that's just how it goes in art school. But I don't want to spend my next four years completely unhappy. It just isn't worth it. I don't know what to do at this point. I've been looking at transferring, but something inside of me is telling me that's not going to make things any better. It's not even that I hate VCU, it's just I don't feel that's where I was meant to go. Which is, if you have been reading my blog, the complete opposite of what I said earlier. Confusion at its best.

Unfortunately, I was going to post more, but my mind and my state of being are keeping me from doing so. Hopefully I will find the time in my busy schedule to update this more often. But we'll see...

take only what you need from me.

i am out of clever lyrics.

So I am long overdue for a new blog update. College has literally sucked all the free time out of my life. However, I am doing everything I can to find the time to relax (even if it's short-lived). Anyways, things have been getting slightly better since last week. I've been having a lot of second thoughts about VCU, but I've gotten involved with Intervarsity here and have met a lot of awesome people who have really helped me.

As far as academics go, it's a lot (read: A LOT) of hard work. But I've been really pushing myself to go above and beyond what's being asked of me and I really think it's something that will help me in the end. I have a bunch of projects due next week - a two-minute stop-motion film (which includes a lot of cutting, pasting, picture-taking, and editting, oh joy), a life-size self-portrait of myself from observation using only black acrylic paint, aand I have an exam coming up in my Art History class. I just love college.

On a more random note, have you ever met somebody who reminded you of somebody you don't like so you automatically don't like that person (did that even make any sense...)? I don't know if it's just me, but this happened the other night and it was awful. The person I met was so nice but I just couldn't get it out of my head that she reminded me of somebody I'm a little less than fond of. As horrible as it sounds. Hmm, life.

don't forget to smile when you see the sun come up.

I love fall. There's just something about it that automatically lifts my mood. Perhaps it's the warm light, the slight breeze, the colorful setting, or maybe it's just the smell. It reminds me of growing up in the mountains.

art.

For those of you who are interested, here is the address for my art blog. There's nothing on it yet, but I will be posting pictures of all my works on here over the course of the year.

surfaceresearchartbyannie.blogspot.com

i miss home.

you'll come back, no need to say goodbye.

Art school shall be the death of me. Not only do I have to now manage two other blogs (not including this one), I have to complete 72, I repeat, 72 self-portraits by next week. That's just my art class. I have to finish a book and write an essay. Word of the week? Stress.

could someone please save us college kids.

Oh Lord, where to even begin. Let me tell you, first week of college and no internet to blog with equals lots of fail. And untold stories. Anyways, I'm not going to be one of those people who's all "OMG I LOVE COLLEGE!!!1!" because let's face it, it's not all that it's cracked up to be. Well, at least that's what I'm figuring out. Don't get me wrong, I love being at a new place and am doing a lot of fun things and meeting many awesome and interesting people, but still. I hate being away from home. I'm glad to have a new setting, but I miss my friends and family (and pets) like crazy. I wish I could just steal them all and take them with me to college. They'd all fit in my apartment, that's for sure. Ha. I realize I may be sounding pessimistic right now, and I'm sure my view of college will change with time. But for right now, I'm still getting used to the whole thing.

As for the apartment, it is amazing. It's spacious, clean (after three days of hard labor and no shower), quiet (minus the abusive screaming couple living next door. Oh, and the idiots above us who can't possibly hold off on their two-in-the-morning home improvement activities until the morning) but most of all, it's not a dorm. There's a good and bad side to this, I've learned. It's nice having so much more freedom, privacy and space than those living in a dorm, but I've found it's going to be a lot harder to meet people when I'm not around them constantly. I'm not worried about making friends, seeing as I've already made some, but still.

Today was my first day of classes. I only had one class this morning and it went very well. I went around campus yesterday with my roommate to find all our classes and make sure we wouldn't get lost. While we were in one of my buildings, we stopped by the bathroom where I engaged in a discussion with a random lady about how pointless it is to put nice chairs in public bathrooms. Turns out that was my professor.

Also, Sasha (my roommate) lost her Student ID card last night, so we walked around Richmond on these dark sketchy streets looking for it. Good news is, we found it. Bad news is, we got hit on by several frightening drunk men, got lost (thank goodness for iPhone GPS systems), and got water balloons thrown at us by some morons on our apartment building's roof. But it was all worth it - we got free T-shirts at the new gym. Word.

I will be constantly updating my blog with my many adventures in Richmond now that I have been blessed once again with the gift of internet. Until then, I'm going to go eat some disgusting college food.

pictures of my new apartment.

yay college life.

First off, I want to apologize for not being able to update my blog. I have no internet in my new apartment and have been desperately seeking a place that has free internet. Yay for Starbucks! Anyways, once my internet starts working again, I will post pictures and fun stories from the past couple of days. Bear with me, please.

confession number seventeen.

I'm sitting here packing up the rest of my things while crying my eyes out. Darn it, Annie. So emotional.

perhaps. perhaps not.

i must've done something right along the way.

Some things that have made me happy recently: moving into my apartment, music in general, new (cute) clothes, sweet texts from friends, catching up on my TV shows, reminiscing about old times, game nights with friends, spending time with my family, getting better at guitar (learning an F and Am chord, in particular), Skyping, photoshoots, various lunches and dinners with some of my favorite people in the world, and blogging.

Sometimes it's good to focus on all the good in my life rather than all the negative.

darling buds of may.

give me therapy, i'm a walking travesty, but i'm smiling at everything.

Have you ever thought about getting your lip pierced?

No, thank you.

Does a kiss make you feel better?
Of course.

Have you ever passed out on the bathroom floor?
I have not.

Do you start the water before you get in the shower or when you get in?
Before I get in.

What did you do today?
Too much. But it was fun.

Have you ever brushed your teeth while in the shower?
Yes.

Have you had more than 3 boyfriends/girlfriends at the same time?
No.

Have you ever thought about your death?
Yeah.

Ever been in love?
Can't say I have.

Would you rather be in a permanent relationship or play the field?
Permanent relationship.

What is your favorite sport?
Either basketball or football.

What color is your shower curtain?
It's a plethora of many vibrant colored stripes.

Have you ever had stitches?
Yes, on my chin.

Did you believe that boys/girls had cooties?
Definitely.

Do you know how to use chop sticks?
I have my own creative ways of using them.

Lyrics stuck in your head?
None at the moment. Shocking.

Do you like the Red Sox or Yankeess?
I used to like the Yankees. Try not to judge me too much.

What are you doing tomorrow?
Hanging out with mom.

Who was the last person you couldn't take your eyes off of?
Mmm, we'll keep that private.

Have you ever given money to a homeless person?
I have not.

Have you ever run over an animal?
I killed a butterfly. It was plastered on the front of my car for a week.

What is your favorite cereal?
I couldn't choose if I wanted to.

Have you ever had an Oreo with peanut butter?
I've always wanted to try it. Never have, though.

What are you doing right at this moment?
Listening to music and wishing I was even a smidge tired.

Do you think its right for straight guys to get their tongue pierced?
Whatever they want.

Where's your favorite place to be?
Anywhere as long as I'm comfortable and happy where I am.

What's your favorite song?
"Shoreline" by Deas Vail.

Are you more of a coffee or alcohol drinker?
Neither.

Have you ever thrown shoes on a telephone wire?
No.

Have you ever been skinny dipping?
Yes, on several occasions.

Have you ever been arrested?
That I have not.

Do you dream in black and white?
Can't say I have.

Do you talk in your sleep?
Sometimes.

Do you snore?
Not usually.

Are you a redneck?
No.

Funniest thing you heard all day?
An embarrassing story that Beth told me.

Have you ever gotten a mosquito bite on your face?
Can't say that I have.

What are you afraid of?
Loneliness.

i should be asleep.

this time i won't try to reach you, you're already too far gone.

let go.

Driving down a long and lonely road,

Wandering as far as my mind will go.

City lights flying by,

Blurring the life I'm leaving behind.

Where is this place I'm going?

Time will never tell.

I have to see a new place,

I wanna see a new face.

I'm screaming on the inside,

Waiting for the right time

To let go.

When I'm going to get there,

I don't know.

The sun is going down,

Distorting the world outside.

Shadows drifting past like dreams.

How did I let it get this far?

Nothing but time can mend

The moments I've spent broken.

I have to see a new place,

I wanna see a new face.

I'm screaming on the inside,

Waiting for the right time

To let go.

Can't you see I'm past the point

of breaking?

I want to turn this life around.

I have to see a new place,

I want to see a new face.

I'm screaming on the inside,

Waiting for the right time

To see a new place,

I want to see a new face.

Screaming on the outside

Now is the right time

To let go.

she's got white lights on her face from the bad ties that she just can't erase.

You're not sorry.

appreciate the small things in life.

we all are birds stuck inside our cage, covered up with grace.

Sometimes I forget that I am nothing without God. I go through life, facing the endless challenges it throws at me, thinking I can make it all on my own. I would be utterly helpless and alone if it weren't for his everlasting love and strength. I guess I just need to be reminded of that every now and then.

"But I will sing of your strength, in the morning I will sing of your love; for you are my fortress, my refuge in times of trouble."

- Psalm 59:16

There's always something.

confession number sixteen.

I hate goodbyes.

confession number fifteen.

My new obsession - boxers.

confession number fourteen.

fly, i am trying to fly to leave it all behind.

Today, as I was packing up my things in my room to move to my new apartment, I found a bunch of old cards, pictures, and notes given to me by my friends and family over the years. Nothing feels better than knowing I'm surrounded by amazing people who love and care about me.

On a more depressing note, my room is slowly becoming increasingly more empty. My walls are all blank and my possessions are being replaced by piles of boxes. This whole moving experience is exciting for me yet strangely terrifying. It will be good for me though, I can feel it.

for erin.

confession number thirteen.

For the first time in months, I'm feeling confident about going off to college and living on my own.

i watched your lips move in wondering what to say.

I just woke up from the most bizarre dream ever. It was one of those dreams where it feels so realistic that when you wake up, you have to sort through what's reality and what's made up. The strangest thing about it though, was that I remembered everything and every word I said in the dream, which has never happened to me before. Hmm, dreams are very curious things.

let's give it a try, let's keep it the truth.

dear goodness.

The Brave Little Toaster is the most disturbing movie ever. Just saying.

confession number twelve.

show me a garden that's bursting into life.

I love Boone. Everything about it is just so calm and peaceful. The weather is definitely my favorite part about being here, though (well, besides seeing my best friend, of course). Today, I am enjoying random fall-like weather in the midst of this all too hot summer.

Life is oh, so good.

hmmm.

I'm thinking about doing one of those projects where I have to take and post a picture every day of the year. It sounds ambitious. Not quite sure if I could follow through with it. Any thoughts?

if there's no one beside you when your soul embarks, then i'll follow you into the dark.

Today has been one of those rainy, overcast days, where all you want to do is stay in bed and sleep. Well, that's exactly what I did, and it was much needed. I have been so exhausted, both emotionally and physically, and a nice long nap was exactly what my body needed. Too bad I wasted the whole day today being lazy and didn't pack for the mountains tomorrow. Looks like I'll be getting up early.

confession number eleven.

all i go through, it leads me to you.

If weakness is a wound

That no one wants to speak of

Then “cool” is just how far we have to fall

I am not immune

I only want to be loved

But I feel safe behind the firewall

Can I lose my need to impress?

If you want the truth, I need to confess

I’m not alright

I’m broken inside, broken inside

And all I go through

It leads me to you, it leads me to you

Burn away the pride

Bring me to my weakness

Until everything I hide behind is gone

And when I’m open wide

With nothing left to cling to

Only you are there to lead me on

Cause honestly, I’m not that strong

I’m not alright

I’m broken inside, broken inside

And all I go through

It leads me to you, it leads me to you

And I move, and I move, and I move...closer to you

And I move, and I move, and I move...closer to you

And I move, and I move, and I move...closer to you

And I move, and I move, and I move...

I’m not alright

I’m broken inside, broken inside

broken inside, broken inside

And all I go through

Leads me to you, leads me to you