I'm currently taking some time to sort out my life right now. Certain things need to change while others need to be flushed out of my life completely. I'm ready for a new start.

Most people laugh at me when I share this story with them. But believe me when I say, I am being one hundred percent serious. Everybody has their fair share of fears, whether it's spiders, snakes, heights, the dark, the list goes on. Well, what's my fear, you may ask? I'll tell you.

Whale sharks.

I don't know what it is about them, but they absolutely terrify me. Perhaps it's the unnatural way they open their mouths, perhaps it's their massive size, perhaps it's the way they strongly resemble Steven Tyler. Regardless, they terrify me. My friends always ask me why I'm so scared of them. I honestly cannot answer that. They just seem unnatural to me. It could also be the terrifying dream I had after visiting the Atlanta Aquarium, which just so happened to have four whale sharks.

We all have those fears that just don't make sense, and this just so happens to be mine.

Sometimes I wonder if people actually understand my sense of humor, or if they just think I'm completely strange.

I want a Wreck This Journal.

Bucket list - Take one of those touristy pictures in front of the Leaning Tower of Pisa. Except, instead of leaning against it, I want it to look like I just kicked it.

I refuse to put anything flashy or blinking on my blog.

So, a lot of people have asked me where I get all of my images I put on my blog. I usually just stumble upon them randomly on the internet, but I do have a website, similar to Tumblr, for those of you who are familiar with that website, that I visit frequently to look for images. I admit, I have been guilty of spending endless hours on there, but lately, I've been absolutely appalled by some of the images that I've seen on there. Now that summer is finally here, many of the images have had to do with getting in shape for swimsuit season and keeping up a tiny figure. But some of these images are doing nothing but advocating anorexia. It's disgusting. Images like this...

And this...

Even this...

What kind of message is this sending to girls? You're not beautiful or worthy of any guy's time unless you're skin and bones. Don't eat. If you do, you're a complete failure. I'd rather die than be fat. "Skinny is perfection." People, this is disgusting. Speaking from experience, I have had my fair share of body image struggles, and you wonder why. It scares me to think that these images are out there for anybody to see, especially young girls who want nothing more than to be accepted by others. So is this the message we want to be sending to them?

I'm speechless.

Being productive puts me in such a good mood. When I lounge around all day, I keep thinking about all that I could be getting done, and it makes me feel all guilty inside. This week, I have put in countless hours cleaning and organizing the house, creating an inventory for a bunch of clothes and items that I'm donating (saving my dad over $200 on his taxes), and I've secured a few photography jobs for the summer. Mmm, yes. Too bad I've done a horrible job of keeping up with this blog. My life has been fairly uneventful lately. Well, that's necessarily true, but nothing that I feel needs to be shared. Oh well.

I've apparently become an insomniac.

What is your favorite Kool-Aid flavor?

The red stuff.

Do you have a wireless keyboard and mouse?
I have a laptop.

Last sporting event you watched on tv or in person?
VCU kicking some butt.

Who makes the best fudge?
Kilwin's.

Do you like it when toothpaste bubbles in your mouth?
Umm...what a strange question.

Do you believe that the world is gonna end at 2012?
Nope.

How many songs are on your iPod or MP3 Player?
900 something rather. I need a bigger iPod.

Can you swear inside your house?
I can, I just choose not to (as much as possible).

Have you ever had a pet goldfish?
No, but I had two beta fish once.

When did you last eat waffles?
I don't remember, but now I want waffles.

What is the most overrated thing in your opinion?
Oh man, don't even get me started.

Do you have a video Skype account?
Sure do.

What color is your bed comforter?
Tan with teal, light blue, green, pink, and brown stripes.

Does being in love make you gain weight?
Uhh...no?

Dumbest person you know? and why?
Ha.

Do your parents have home videos of you as a kid?
Probably.

How old is your oldest cousin?
In their 30s.

If you HAD to get a tattoo, where and what would it be?
I have yet to decide on a decent tattoo idea for myself.

What color is your bra or boxers?
Tan. My bra, that is.

What is your favorite radio station?
I really don't like the radio. Too many commercials.

What ethnicity was your last ex?
Caucasian.

What brand is your refrigerator?
No idea.

How many people do you know that are pregnant?
A few.

When is the last time you went to a birthday party?
A few weeks ago, actually.

What is the best thing to happen to you this year so far?
Meeting Chase Coy.

How long have you lived in the house you live in?
Since middle school.

Do you read a newspaper daily?
Sure don't. But I pick them up off our driveway daily.

Anything your really afraid of?
Tight spaces, heights, spiders, and bad grammar/spelling. Ehem.

Do you read tabloids?
Occasionally when I'm waiting in line at grocery stores.

Have you ever had a really bad haircut?
Yes. I had a bowl cut.

Do you like your peanut butter crunchy or creamy?
Preferably creamy.

What is the scariest movie you've ever seen?
Paranormal Activity or The Grudge.

Have you ever ridden a skateboard?
Sure have.

Do you drink enough water on a daily basis?
Mhm. Water is pretty much all I drink.

The main thing you cant leave your house without?
My cell phone.

Do you think the economy is improving yet?
Mmm...slowly. Very slowly.

When was the last time you read a book?
I just finished one last week.

Where did you get that shirt you're wearing?
Ooh, girl, you like?

Do you play pranks on April Fools Day?
When I was a kid.

I'm going to be a fan girl for a moment. So, as I wrote in one of my former blog posts, I have always wanted to see Chase Coy in concert. He is my absolute favorite singer, and I've always wanted to meet him. Well, I did. Last night. And it was awesome. I didn't bring anything for him to sign, so I rummaged through my purse, only to come up with my printed Google Maps directions, which is what he ended up signing.

Then we took a picture together (well, more like two...the first one being an accident). My friend who went with me was attempting to use my nice camera, which has a tendency to not want to work at some of the most crucial moments. So we stood there awkwardly waiting for the camera to go off, but nothing happened. So we all started laughing when the camera decided to randomly snap a picture. Thank goodness Chase was so down to earth and awesome; he insisted that we take another picture, even though he had a bunch of other fans waiting in line to meet him. Anyways, now I can check that off my bucket list.

Bucket list - See Chase Coy in concert (and meet him afterwards).

A friend of mine wrote this somewhere, I hope she doesn't mind me using it, but I absolutely love it.

"Don't know why I'm being so floaty today but there really is nothing like a pure, innocent heart. Innocence is something to treasure 'cause you can't ever get it back. Pure things are so beautiful and true and real. You don't have to pretend or be guarded or whisper or hide. You're just yourself. And even if people make fun of you or think you're naive, you probably have more peace than them anyway. You can't unlearn. What beauty is in corruption? Don't feel like you have to 'grow up', kids."

Well said.

Bucket list - Spend the night in a museum or aquarium.

Bucket list - See the Northern lights.

"So I'll stand with arms high and heart abandoned, in awe of the One who gave it all."

Today has been fairly emotional for me. I just finished my first year of college, and my last day as a student at VCU. It's been more difficult than I had imagined saying goodbye to everyone that I've met over the past year, and I'm going to miss them all so much. I met a lot of amazing and truly genuine people, which makes it all the harder to leave them. I know I'll make new friends at ASU, but I wish I could keep the friends I have now. On a happier note, I made A's on all of my final exams, which hopefully (fingers crossed) means A's in all of my classes. I've worked so hard this semester. Anyways, now I'm officially done with my freshman year, and have one more week in Virginia until I move back home. Crazy.

So, now that I'm out of art school, people often ask me if I miss doing artistic stuff. Well, my answer, of course, is always "absolutely!" Recently, I've had a tremendous amount of sudden creative urges, but with exams coming up, there is absolutely no time. I thought I'd have so much free time being out of AFO, but no. I seem to have gotten even busier. Or at least it seems that way. At least summer will be here soon and I can finally satisfy my artistic urges!

I'm sitting here waiting for my mom to come pick me up from school to take me home for the weekend. I'm so excited to see my family! Last time I'll be coming home until summer.

Today, as I was working out at the gym, I kept casually glancing over at the television, which was featuring an episode of "The Price Is Right" with subtitles. A few minutes passed before a commercial for Bliss chocolates came on. Right after was a commercial for Vagisil. This was all fine and dandy, until I noticed that the subtitles from the chocolate commercial had carried over into the latter one, reading "A square inch of indulgence." Sketchy? Yes. Did it make me laugh? Yes.

Oh, the things that amuse me.

Some things I have learned from my time in college.

1. You'll be surprised by the amount of trash you produce once you start living on your own.

2. Meal plans are extremely overpriced, but are also a nice alternative to Ramen.

3. When eating Ramen, it is always best (and recommended) that you alternate between flavors, lest you get tired of a particular one.

4. Making friends is key. Get involved, be open, and don't be afraid to initiate the hello.

5. You're paying your school good money (most likely). Take advantage of everything it has to offer.

6. One of those things is the gym. Work out. You have the time, I promise.

7. Wear comfortable shoes. Always.

8. Write letters to your friends at other schools. It's better than a Facebook post.

9. Despite what I thought at the beginning, location does matter. Make sure you're happy with where you are.

10. You will always have that one professor who is completely quirky.

11. You will also always have that one classmate who eats during class.

12. Go to class. You'll be less stressed and you'll feel better about yourself that you went.

13. Skip class. Not all the time. But taking a breather and doing something fun is important too.

14. Get used to mass emails from classmates. Don't give them the notes, they should have come to class.

15. Taking notes on your computer is great. It's faster than hand-written notes.

16. Invest in a pair of (cute) rain boots.

17. Don't be afraid to come to class in sweats. Nobody cares what you look like.

18. People watching is some of the most fun you can have in college. Sit out on the quad and just observe the diversity around you.

19. Keep in touch with old friends. Just because you're at a new place and have new friends, doesn't mean you should forget about those friendships you already have.

20. Be open to new experiences.

So here goes another one of my rants. A sort of confession if you will. Lately, I've noticed that I often do things for other people, expecting something in return. But I'm starting to realize that my heart is in the wrong place when I have that mindset. I need to do things for other people simply because it's the right thing to do, and not expect them to reciprocate. I need to learn to want to help out others. Not because I want something in return, not because I'll look like a better person if I do, but do it simply because.

Now that that little spiel is over. I only have twenty-six days remaining of my freshman year of college. I'm completely overwhelmed at the moment with everything I have to get done in those four weeks. Seems like a long time, but it's really not. Oh well, like the famous artist, Chuck Close said, "If you're overwhelmed by the whole, break it down into pieces." In other words, I'm going to just take one thing at a time instead of focusing on everything that has to be done.

But other than that, I'm super excited about this summer and school next year. It's going to be awesome.

As strange as it sounds, I love being busy. Yes, it always leaves me exhausted and I complain quite a lot at times, but in the end, being busy helps me manage my time really well, so I actually get more things done. Even better, the more I have to do, the faster time goes by, which means that before I know it, school will be over! But I'm getting ahead of myself. One thing at a time. Ha.

In other news, I've started uploading my photography (old and brand new) onto my Photography Blog, located to the right of the page. Check it out. I dare you (not really).

One day my patience will run out, and I will punch you. In the face. Very hard.

Today I attended the French Film Festival here in Richmond, which is the biggest french film festival in the nation and only comes around once a year. The two films I watched were absolutely amazing. One was a short film about a deaf and mute girl who becomes friends with a blind girl. The other was a documentary about the ocean. Both were absolutely beautiful. Gah, sometimes I just love art, not to mention being in a city that is so culturally rich.

I'm starting to think some changes need to be made in my life right now. So much to think about.

I was so unique

Now I feel skin deep

I count on the makeup to cover it all

Crying myself to sleep 'cause I cannot keep their attention

I thought I could be strong

But it's killing me

Does someone hear my cry?

I'm dying for new life

I want to be beautiful

Make you stand in awe

Look inside my heart

And be amazed

I want to hear you say

Who I am is quite enough

Just want to be worthy of love

And beautiful

Sometimes I wish I was someone other than me

Fighting to make the mirror happy

Trying to find whatever is missing

Won't you help me back to glory?

I want to be beautiful

Make you stand in awe

Look inside my heart

And be amazed

I want to hear you say

Who I am is quite enough

Just want to be worthy of love

You make me beautiful

You make me stand in awe

You step inside my heart, and I am amazed

I love to hear you say

Who I am is quite enough

You make me worthy of love and beautiful

You make me worthy of love and beautiful.

Going to the French Film Festival this weekend here in Richmond. So excited!

Ahh, the feeling of being done with something that you've been dreading for a long time. There should be a name for that.

Oh, right.

Relief.

I will own this dress. Or get married in it. Whichever comes first.

"I have to be alone very often. I'd be quite happy if I spent from Saturday night until Monday morning alone in my apartment. That's how I refuel."

- Audrey Hepburn

You know how you have those days where, while everything may not be going well at the moment, you just know things will get better in the end? Well, today is one of those days. Sure, school is a pain right now with exams to study for and projects to throw together, but I'm almost done. I keep reminding myself to just take one week at a time. Even better - one day at a time. It reminds me of a song by Sara Bareilles that says, "compare yourself to where you are to where you wanna be and you'll get nowhere." It's kind of like that. I'm trying to look at what I've accomplished thus far instead of what still needs to be done. I've learned it's much easier that way.

It seems like just yesterday I was blogging about the exact same things towards the end of my senior year in high school. I couldn't wait to graduate and get the heck out of that place, but I took one day at a time and sure enough, I survived. So to all the college kids who may stumble upon my humble blog, and even those less fortunate high school students who have an even longer time ahead of them, the end is near. Summer is just around the corner.

I can smell freedom.

Oh, how I want nothing more right now than to be at the beach, listening to the waves and feeling my feet in the sand (sigh).

"I can't fall asleep, but I sure can dream."

It would be great if I could study, but my neighbors seem to think it's okay to yell like idiots and listen to music that should have never been created in the first place. Ahh, apartment life.

Okay, nerd moment. I'm allowed to have those every now and then, right? Space is awesome. Last night, the moon was the biggest it's been in eighteen years. Unfortunately, I was expecting it to be much bigger. Like something from Star Wars. But seriously, seeing the moon last night and just looking up at the sky reminded me of how awesome and mysterious space really is. It's crazy enough that man has been to the moon, and there are so many things we haven't even discovered yet. It seriously just blows my mind thinking about it.

Also, I need a nap.

It's amazing how much my surroundings can affect my mood. I woke up in a fairly decent mood considering it's my last day of break and I had to go back to school. I was even singing along to the radio on the car ride up here. But literally, as soon as I got into Richmond, my whole mood completely changed. It was quite scary, actually, how I had no control over it. Just shows how much I need to get out of here. First day back and I'm already dreading it. I hate to sound so pessimistic but it seriously is so hard for me to be here - I really do try my hardest to have a good attitude about everything. Oh well, only about two more months left.

I can do this.

What are you thinking right now?

That I wish the sun would come out.

What annoys you?
Don't get me started.

Would you cut the blue wire or the red one?
I'd have to ask Jack Bauer.

What is under your bed?
A crapload of boxes.

How many shoes do you have?
Quite a lot, yet I only wear a few of them.

Are you scared of clowns?
Very much so.

What do you wish you could do?
Go to the beach.

Are you random?
Incredibly.

Are you crazy?
I can be.

What are you watching or listening to now?
The television.

What is something you are embarrassed of?
My braces.

Say something funny.
I feel the pressure.

What are you wearing?
Observe the picture below.

Manual or automatic transmission?
Automatic, please.

Besides this survey, what else are you doing right now?
Watching TV.

What does your dad do for a living?
He's a creative director.

Who was the last person you eye-flirted with?
Eye-flirted? Sounds sketch.

Favorite food?
Crab legs.

Drink?
Lemonade.

What is the weather like right now?
Overcast and chilly. Ew.

Last vacation you had?
Maryland and Pennsylvania with Erin and her family.

Today has just been one of those days.

"The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up."

- Mark Twain

Oh, how I want nothing more than to go on a run right now.

In other news, I've finally decided to get off my butt and do something productive today. So I'm going to visit my friend Vanessa in Durham. I haven't seen her in forever, so I'm super excited. Especially since she's going to be joining me at Appalachian next year.

Dull update, ftw.

"When you lose, don't lose the lesson."

You know, laying around your house, watching movies, and having absolutely no other planned engagements sounds amazing. In theory. I've been stuck inside for almost three days now and I'm seriously about to go crazy. First day, okay, I'll admit it's nice. Second day, I'm getting a little restless. By the third day, well...I can only pray I don't lose my head. Doesn't really help the fact that I have a swollen ankle either. Oh well, gives me plenty of time to think about things. This could either be good or very bad.

On a completely different (and slightly random) note, I realized two really important things today - If it makes you happy, do it. If it doesn't, then don't.

Okay, make that one more thing. It's difficult to blog when you're listening to music (she typed as she turned off the music - something she should have done minutes ago).

Also, I just saw a dear.

That is all.

This makes me happy.