One day my patience will run out, and I will punch you. In the face. Very hard.

Today I attended the French Film Festival here in Richmond, which is the biggest french film festival in the nation and only comes around once a year. The two films I watched were absolutely amazing. One was a short film about a deaf and mute girl who becomes friends with a blind girl. The other was a documentary about the ocean. Both were absolutely beautiful. Gah, sometimes I just love art, not to mention being in a city that is so culturally rich.

I'm starting to think some changes need to be made in my life right now. So much to think about.

I was so unique

Now I feel skin deep

I count on the makeup to cover it all

Crying myself to sleep 'cause I cannot keep their attention

I thought I could be strong

But it's killing me

Does someone hear my cry?

I'm dying for new life

I want to be beautiful

Make you stand in awe

Look inside my heart

And be amazed

I want to hear you say

Who I am is quite enough

Just want to be worthy of love

And beautiful

Sometimes I wish I was someone other than me

Fighting to make the mirror happy

Trying to find whatever is missing

Won't you help me back to glory?

I want to be beautiful

Make you stand in awe

Look inside my heart

And be amazed

I want to hear you say

Who I am is quite enough

Just want to be worthy of love

You make me beautiful

You make me stand in awe

You step inside my heart, and I am amazed

I love to hear you say

Who I am is quite enough

You make me worthy of love and beautiful

You make me worthy of love and beautiful.

Going to the French Film Festival this weekend here in Richmond. So excited!

Ahh, the feeling of being done with something that you've been dreading for a long time. There should be a name for that.

Oh, right.

Relief.

I will own this dress. Or get married in it. Whichever comes first.

"I have to be alone very often. I'd be quite happy if I spent from Saturday night until Monday morning alone in my apartment. That's how I refuel."

- Audrey Hepburn

You know how you have those days where, while everything may not be going well at the moment, you just know things will get better in the end? Well, today is one of those days. Sure, school is a pain right now with exams to study for and projects to throw together, but I'm almost done. I keep reminding myself to just take one week at a time. Even better - one day at a time. It reminds me of a song by Sara Bareilles that says, "compare yourself to where you are to where you wanna be and you'll get nowhere." It's kind of like that. I'm trying to look at what I've accomplished thus far instead of what still needs to be done. I've learned it's much easier that way.

It seems like just yesterday I was blogging about the exact same things towards the end of my senior year in high school. I couldn't wait to graduate and get the heck out of that place, but I took one day at a time and sure enough, I survived. So to all the college kids who may stumble upon my humble blog, and even those less fortunate high school students who have an even longer time ahead of them, the end is near. Summer is just around the corner.

I can smell freedom.

Oh, how I want nothing more right now than to be at the beach, listening to the waves and feeling my feet in the sand (sigh).

"I can't fall asleep, but I sure can dream."

It would be great if I could study, but my neighbors seem to think it's okay to yell like idiots and listen to music that should have never been created in the first place. Ahh, apartment life.

Okay, nerd moment. I'm allowed to have those every now and then, right? Space is awesome. Last night, the moon was the biggest it's been in eighteen years. Unfortunately, I was expecting it to be much bigger. Like something from Star Wars. But seriously, seeing the moon last night and just looking up at the sky reminded me of how awesome and mysterious space really is. It's crazy enough that man has been to the moon, and there are so many things we haven't even discovered yet. It seriously just blows my mind thinking about it.

Also, I need a nap.

It's amazing how much my surroundings can affect my mood. I woke up in a fairly decent mood considering it's my last day of break and I had to go back to school. I was even singing along to the radio on the car ride up here. But literally, as soon as I got into Richmond, my whole mood completely changed. It was quite scary, actually, how I had no control over it. Just shows how much I need to get out of here. First day back and I'm already dreading it. I hate to sound so pessimistic but it seriously is so hard for me to be here - I really do try my hardest to have a good attitude about everything. Oh well, only about two more months left.

I can do this.

What are you thinking right now?

That I wish the sun would come out.

What annoys you?
Don't get me started.

Would you cut the blue wire or the red one?
I'd have to ask Jack Bauer.

What is under your bed?
A crapload of boxes.

How many shoes do you have?
Quite a lot, yet I only wear a few of them.

Are you scared of clowns?
Very much so.

What do you wish you could do?
Go to the beach.

Are you random?
Incredibly.

Are you crazy?
I can be.

What are you watching or listening to now?
The television.

What is something you are embarrassed of?
My braces.

Say something funny.
I feel the pressure.

What are you wearing?
Observe the picture below.

Manual or automatic transmission?
Automatic, please.

Besides this survey, what else are you doing right now?
Watching TV.

What does your dad do for a living?
He's a creative director.

Who was the last person you eye-flirted with?
Eye-flirted? Sounds sketch.

Favorite food?
Crab legs.

Drink?
Lemonade.

What is the weather like right now?
Overcast and chilly. Ew.

Last vacation you had?
Maryland and Pennsylvania with Erin and her family.

Today has just been one of those days.

"The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up."

- Mark Twain

Oh, how I want nothing more than to go on a run right now.

In other news, I've finally decided to get off my butt and do something productive today. So I'm going to visit my friend Vanessa in Durham. I haven't seen her in forever, so I'm super excited. Especially since she's going to be joining me at Appalachian next year.

Dull update, ftw.

"When you lose, don't lose the lesson."

You know, laying around your house, watching movies, and having absolutely no other planned engagements sounds amazing. In theory. I've been stuck inside for almost three days now and I'm seriously about to go crazy. First day, okay, I'll admit it's nice. Second day, I'm getting a little restless. By the third day, well...I can only pray I don't lose my head. Doesn't really help the fact that I have a swollen ankle either. Oh well, gives me plenty of time to think about things. This could either be good or very bad.

On a completely different (and slightly random) note, I realized two really important things today - If it makes you happy, do it. If it doesn't, then don't.

Okay, make that one more thing. It's difficult to blog when you're listening to music (she typed as she turned off the music - something she should have done minutes ago).

Also, I just saw a dear.

That is all.

This makes me happy.

"Throughout life people will make you mad, disrespect you and treat you bad. Let God deal with the things they do, 'cause hate in your heart will consume you too."

- Will Smith

You only know what I want you to

I know everything you don't want me to

Oh, your mouth is poison, your mouth is wine

Oh, you think your dreams are the same as mine

Oh, I don't love you but I always will

Oh, I don't love you but I always will

Oh, I don't love you but I always will

I always will

I wish you'd hold me when I turn my back

The less I give the more I get back

Oh, your hands can heal, your hands can bruise

I don't have a choice but I still choose you

Oh, I don't love you but I always will

Oh, I don't love you but I always will

Oh, I don't love you but I always will

Oh, I don't love you but I always will

Oh, I don't love you but I always will

Oh, I don't love you but I always will

Oh, I don't love you but I always will

I always will

I always will

I always will

I always will

I always will.

I've never been one for difficult conversations.

I've been dreading writing this post.

Like I said previously, a lot has changed since my last update. As of right now, I am no longer in art school and will be transferring to ASU next year to pursue a major in Technical Photography and a minor in English. Yes, I can hear you all saying it now - why leave the #1 public art school in the country for Appalachian State University? I have my reasons (and no, they do not have to do with a boy). I don't feel the need to explain myself to anybody. I know that what I'm doing is right for me and will make me so much happier. Looking back, I remember always questioning why I was at VCU. It seemed like I was nothing but miserable and that it was simply a huge waste of my time. But I know that's exactly where God wanted me to be, even if only for a year. I have matured tremendously and have met a lot of amazing people who have taught me a whole lot about life and have made me stronger in my faith.

I would be lying if I said I won't miss VCU. While I faced some pretty hard stuff being in Richmond, I also have so many things to smile about. I can't believe my freshman year is almost over. This year has gone by way too quickly, and I honestly wish I could make my time at VCU last longer. But I know that transferring will be so good for me.

So go right ahead and judge me. Say that I'm making a big mistake. But I know that I'm doing what's right for me and what's going to make me happy, and that's all that matters to me.

So, not to state the obvious, but I haven't updated this thing in way too long. I'll save all my excuses for a later post, but a lot has changed since my last update so now I should have more time to be consistent with postings. As a little motivation booster, I have given my blog a slight (okay, pretty drastic) makeover. I'm not a fan of pink at all, but I think it's pretty fitting for my personality.

Let's hope I can keep up with this thing.

"Oh, love is so many little things. Waltzing in the dark, waiting for the phone to ring, opening the box of flowers. It's holding hands in the movie; it's humming a sad little tune; it's walking in the rain; it's riding in a convertible with the wind in your hair. It's the quarreling and making up again. It's that first drowsy thought in the morning and that last kiss at night."